Assalamu 'Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
"And if, as is sure, there comes to you guidance from Me, whomsoever follows my guidance, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. But those, who reject Faith and belie our Signs, they shall be companions of Fire, They shall abide therein." [Qur'an 2:38-39]
I receive emails and comments including several questions about how I came to Islam (please read the previous post 'How I came to Islam') how my non-Muslim family accepted me and above all why I left Italy to live in the UK.
It is the latter that I will try to reply. Insha'Allah
It has been now almost 15 years that I left Italy, a long time indeed! If you ask me if I miss it, yes of course I do. I do miss it. That will always be the country where I was born, where my family resides and where my journey started many years ago.
The first time I left Italy, it was in 1998. I left because I needed to get a job within the tourism industry and English has always been the language required in such jobs. So I left my home town to embark on a journey which I thought, back then, it would have lasted just few months. Little did I know back then, that the journey would have lasted more than 14 years...
So I landed in London, UK, leaving behind all my loved ones, my belongings, my life, all that I know until then...just had a bit of cash in my pocket and one luggage with few clothes.
The first night I slept on the floor of a youth hostel, not ideal I know but I didn't know what else to go.
Back then I was not a Muslim although I believed firmly in one God, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth. I prayed to Him before sleeping and many days I would sit in a church or a chapel, kneeling down, asking Him to guide me and protect me.
Those were dark days. I was often questioning my decision of leaving home but I had not choice. I had to study and work to reach my goal: finding a job within the tourism industry.
Days, weeks and months went by. During that period I often found myself crying and praying to God. I often would remind myself that the hardship I was going through had to finish one day. Nothing is for eternity.
After 7 long months away from my family, I was finally ready to go back home but was I ready to go back to my old life?
Back in Italy I felt trapped as if I was a prisoner. I felt not joy and something inside me was telling me to leave again. During those months away I changed, something inside me changed. I realized then that staying away from my family, depending only on God have had a profound impact on my soul.
Those dark days taught me to call upon God, to ask for His help, to rely on Him only and understand that He is the Provider, no one else.
So there I was back in my hometown, feeling unhappy, in need of an escape. I was about to embark on a new journey but this time it would have been the biggest journey of my life. A spiritual journey that has changed me forever.
The second time around, while leaving Italy for London, my mum was more sad, she was crying more at the airport while saying goodbye. It was different. She must have had that 'motherly instinct'', she must have known that I was leaving for a longer time, I was not going back...
The second time, I was leaving again all my loved ones, my belongings, my life etc. but this time my heart was content and at peace.
During this second journey, I was not just leaving one country for another, but my heart was going to migrate too, it was migrating to God!
It all happened within a year of being in London. While working, studying and meeting friends. It was a gradual change within myself.
I was leaving behind all the material world I was trapped into and finding my way to a more spiritual life.
The day I took my shahadah, (declaration of faith to become a Muslim), with each word I uttered I felt like a weight was being lifted off my chest until there was no more pressure or pain. I felt free. My heart felt pure and I was finally back to my Creator.
On that day, when turning my face back to the congregation of sisters who were waiting behind me while I was in front of the Imam repeating the words of the shahadah, I've realized why I was put through the first journey. Allah wanted to prepare me. He was preparing my soul and heart to detach from my old life, my old friends, my belongings, even my family.
And when Allah empty our hands, it is not to take away but it is to fill them with greater gifts. I had acquired a much bigger family, a much greater gift and more than any belongings or material wealth I could ever imagine; my heart was going through the biggest journey ever: the Hijra (migration) to Allah.
Now I knew why I have had to go through those dark days during my first travel. Why I have had to give up all that I had, including my family. Allah wanted to show me that there is a much greater and more rewarding life after this temporary journey in this earth. I could see it all clearly and it was amazing!
Everything took a new meaning from the day I declared my shahadah. I changed my ways, my life and started afresh.
I miss my family, my friends, my city, my job, even my old pair of favourite jeans that I left behind in the last drawer of my bedroom closet (duh!).
But since accepting Islam 14 years ago, I became aware of the purpose of my life. I now look at things around me with different eyes, I appreciate the little I have and find happiness in the small things. I understand Allah has a plan for all of us and everything happens for a reason.
I feel blessed and at peace.
Wa 'alaykum assalam wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
Ayesha
